Home Schooling Survival Guide

No doubt one of the most challenging aspects of the Coronavirus pandemic is the no choice, online-only schooling that most of us with kids are facing. And with younger children being far less proficient on computers, well, many need a near constant hand. So how are people surviving? How are people staying sane? Unfortunately, some are indeed hitting the proverbial wall while trying to keep a job that can’t be worked from home while ensuring any kind of supportive consistency for their little one(s).

Kids working online for hours at a time…not an easy adjustment. Image Courtesy: Thomas Park, Unsplash.com

Just imagine. You’re a single parent of two. Your 5 year old has just “started” kindergarten, and your 8 year old is diving into “3rd grade.” NOTE: I put these grades into quotes as what we’re seeing online, while valuable, simply doesn’t replace the “real thing.” That said, we do need to take our hats off to many of the teachers and faculty who have (in most cases) been working tirelessly to try and make lemonade out of these COVID-19 lemons. Yet in the end…it’s really tough. This is why today’s blog focus is on this VERY hot topic of home schooling, balancing things, keeping your work going, and, well, keeping your sanity. What’s a parent, aunt, grandmother or block helper to do? How do we survive?

First Things First…Stay Positive

The number one thing to keep in mind is that there is indeed light at the end of this truly unfortunate tunnel. Of course, with today’s recent news about an early vaccine trial that has failed, resulting in a severely sick person, things may seem even more bleak. But don’t lose hope! There are several other vaccine trials in motion as I write this and keeping that hope alive is job numero uno. Without hope we’re lost…and we can’t be “lost” with our kids.

Of course, it’s doubtful a vaccine will “get approved” in the near term, despite hearing such rhetoric. To further this point, leading U.S. drug companies have recently pledged to not “cut any corners” in developing such a vaccine, despite the immense pressure to do so. So, the moral of the story is…yes, there will eventually be a vaccine, but we are indeed in it for the longer haul before said vaccine is known to be safe, effective AND widely available (that last point is a big one). Staying grounded to this reality is the critical “acceptance” piece to the equation. Once we accept things, we can make plans and move forward.

I just love this quote ;). Image Courtesy: Tanya Santos, Unsplash.com

Surviving the Home Schooling Craziness

Some are tech savvy, some are not (just got this from a new, dear friend when discussing the trials and tribulations of being a teacher, responsible for driving zoom classes during this time). Knowing that teachers are also having a rough go of it, well, there’s some comfort in numbers. Yet this reality also illustrates that things are new, and there are going to be kinks. Heck, my 3rd grader (with our help) tried in earnest to log on to her online P.E. class the other day to no avail. Too many people hitting the system? We don’t yet know. But one thing is for sure…we are not alone. Keep this in mind as you plug along.

I think the largest concern with what is termed “distance learning,” is the varied level of support our kids are getting. Some don’t have live-in grandmothers willing and able to become scholastic shepherds while mom and/or dad jet off to work. Some households are single parent sporting two or three kids…can you imagine? The worry here is a widening gap between the “haves” and the “have nots” when it comes to school support. My hope is more resources become available and some elements are tamed down a bit to allow for more kids to meet in the middle. I do think things will level set in time. Yet meanwhile, here are some practices and thoughts to consider when trying to survive this very challenging time:

Yep, get a slice of pizza. Give yourself a break ;). This thing is tough for us all! Image Courtesy: CGarkz, Unsplash.com

1. Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself

Yes, this means cutting yourself some slack. You, like many, might be thinking, “Geez, I just know that Janet down the block is getting her kids sooo educated. I saw all her materials. Those kids are going to be smarter than mine. I don’t want to let my kids down!” But hey, stop right there. Nobody is perfect and this entire process is not going to be either. There are numerous bumps in this road, both from the classic teacher side to what’s happening directly in the home. This pandemic thing? It’s new for us…it’s new for everyone. We are all just trying our best.

Being compassionate with oneself, not berating yourself or judging yourself internally, this can make a gigantic difference. I know I’ve struggled with this when trying to balance work and the kids school life. And while we are lucky to have both parents working largely from home, as well as a grandmother that does the schooling at her home 2 days of the week, it’s still tough and easy to second guess.

So says Kahtryn Haydon, an innovation expert and educational consultant:

“The goal should not be to cram a ton of concepts down kids’ throats out of fear that they will ‘be behind.’ This is an opportunity to find different ways of learning in a new context.”

2. Make the Schedule Work For You Too!

The fact of the matter is that many of us parents have a very busy work schedule. And while some have “gone online,” this still requires mental focus and (ideally) uninterrupted focus. Of course for some, heading to the office, store, restaurant or warehouse is still a physically-required thing, making this new home schooling even more tough. Yet the reality is people DO need to work (to make $), food needs to be prepared and all need to sleep to keep the cart on the proverbial tracks. After this, school is next up.

Homework, which seems to be a lot for even a 3rd grader, may have to be pushed until after dinner. Weekends may become the new homework norm? In the end, it’s structure kids really need as this makes them feel safe. Put in better words, Psychologist Wendy Walsh notes:

“Having your kids help you to make a schedule that works for everyone involved, and then allowing them to decorate it on a big poster board you can keep where schooling will most often take place.” "The purpose really is to create some structure for your child where they will feel safer and more organized,” she explained. “By the way, it will also help you as the parent feel safer.”

Knowing you do not need to offer your child a traditional 7-hour school day is really important here. In “regular school,” kids only get about 2-3 hours of actual learning. The rest is recess, lunch, socializing and of course things like P.E. All of these items are important, but many can be created at home and in your neighborhood with a bit of creative thinking. Further, when you need uninterrupted time (such as an important work meeting), you can save the “candy” (e.g. T.V. time) for those moments. Yet the more you can schedule this kind of thing the better. Recall waiting for the minutes to tick by for the recess bell? Kids glob onto this structure and count on it. Make it work for you too.

It’s easy to say, “Stay positive.” But really, this is quite important. Look on the bright side of all, count your blessings. Things could always (and I mean always) be worse. I live by this mantra. Image Courtesy: Timo Wielink, Unsplash.com

3. Mental Health is Paramount

Supporting your children’s emotional well-being is critical in any kind of learning. There are multiple resources for mindfulness that can be a life-saver. But it’s also important that all of your children’s educators (you, your spouse, grandma, etc.) are in alignment regarding the academics of the child.

Usually, it’s just one main teacher and there isn’t much potential for conflict. Consistency is built in. But now? Things are different. Communication between “educators” is key.

Making things even more complex are any children with special emotional needs, learning disabilities or special needs. If this is the case, you likely already know that such kids are simply going to focus on and do what they love and have interest in. As your child picks up skills, you can add in other academics, allowing them to expand.

It is important to support children’s emotional well-being. “There are resources for mindfulness that can be very useful. It’s also important that everybody gets their priorities right regarding the academics of the child. The priority should be that everybody be OK... If you’re dealing with these types of major mental health challenges, with kids with learning challenges or special needs, remember, kids are going to do things they love and are interested in. Gradually, as your child gets better, you add in other academics, as your child can handle it.”

 Do not despair about your child “falling behind.” Although grades are being levied this year, challenges will be faced both on the teacher side and in the home. Education is going to have to be flexible to keep pace with this fluid situation. Reaching out to your child’s teacher is also a good idea…especially if you’re seeing issues and some limits need to be set. They need this feedback! (I’ve been talking to a few teachers myself!).

Breathing techniques can be a great way to achieve relative calm. Don’t underestimate the power of this if you haven’t tried… Image Courtesy: Jared Rice, Unsplash.com

4. Get Ahold of Your Energy

Stay self-aware and manage thyself. Know when you’re feeling overloaded or being triggered. Take time to your self to decompress. If you’re not functioning on all cylinders, how can you best guide your little one(s)?

Here are some tried and true techniques, some even in use by NAVY Seals!

478 breath – An anti-anxiety technique developed by Dr.Andrew Weil

Box breath – Employed by NAVY Seals to stay calm in the face of serious danger and pressure

5. Gratitude

As the proverbial adage goes, “Count your blessings!” Indeed, having gratitude for what you DO HAVE is critical to keep up morale. A great spot for this is around the dinner table. Some keep a “gratitude jar.” If you need a boost, take a note from the jar and celebrate the positivity. May sound corny, but in researching this I plan to try it myself.

Doing something for others outside your home is also a great way to build positive energy. Where to find that extra energy you might ask? Well, don’t if you can’t, but if you can, well, it pays off 3-fold. In the end, our health, the roof over our heads, people going the extra mile during this crazy time…there’s a lot to be thankful for.

Counting one’s blessings is (IMO) one of the keys to happiness. Be thankful for what you have (and we ALL can point to someone we thing has “more”). But what is “more” anyways? Some of the happiest people I know have few material possessions. But they have love. You can control that. Image Courtesy: Nick Fewings, Unsplash.com

6. Get Outside, Take Breaks

While this gets tougher with the soon-to-come rains, getting outside for some fresh air and exercise is crucial. Building this direclty into your kids schedules is important too. “Recess,” in your backyard, or on the block…very important. You don’t want your kid(s) just sitting all day and not really moving. They will go bonkers and drive you the same. They will learn a lot better too…getting those punctuating breaks from the screen.

Check out  #PEatHome to discover some real resources here. Innovation and creativity is key here…and anyone can participate. This is especially helpful when the online zoom P.E. freezes up like ours did the other day! Going for walks, yard work, going to the park…are all great ideas too.

This “distance learning” business doesn’t mean everything has to be school-driven. Get your kids outside, learn about nature, plant things (well, it is about to be Fall here...) and enjoy the world you live in. Let your kids learn through experiences (albeit at safe social distances ;). Image Courtesy: Elaine Casap, Unsplash.com

7. Redefine Learning

This aspect is something I personally employed last Spring, at the onset of the Coronavirus (see blog post: “Lemonade out of Lemons - COVID-19”). Instead of jamming on worksheets, etc., I got my two girls outside, took many local nature hikes, and discovered bugs and plants we’d never seen. We looked them up, took pictures. We drew maps of the trails. I built math into a lot of stuff, making story problems. They were very engaged…and they learned.

You can do the same here. Make learning fun. Call it “edutainment” and flip the whole thing into a positive, fun experience (as much as you can anyways). Further, real life things like cooking, doing house repairs, etc., are all about learning too. Sometimes “real life” stuff has even more of an impact and is actually entertaining for the little ones. I recall my kids getting real joy just yesterday raking up branches and leaves blown down by the recent wind storm. Not sure how much they learned there, but perhaps the joy of doing something for “daddy” and the grins were real.

8. Keep Things in Perspective

Sometimes it seems we’re all alone. We are not. Almost everyone I know is struggling in one way or another with distance learning (those that have kids anyways). Remember, there’s comfort in numbers. And further, this is a temporary time, and while challenging, it will define us for a generation to come. Try to find the fun and enjoyment in it, even when you feel like pulling your hair out. Image Courtesy: Dan Meyers, Unsplash.com (photographer has my same name!)

One thing is for sure, this current, wild situation will pass. To be sure, it is taking longer than we initially thought…and recent setbacks show we’re still deep in it. However, a critical thing to question is just exactly how do you want you and your kids to remember it all? What will be the legacy from this?

Your main priority is to be a great communicator and to provide connection. Structure, with lots of flexibility (as things seem to change daily, weekly) is key. And just remember, we will get through this and no doubt it will be a topic for decades, even centuries to come. Use the opportunity to rediscover what truly matters. For me? It’s the love I have for my children - they didn’t ask for this but they will persevere and enjoy a perspective at a highly impressionable age that will likely pay big dividends well into their futures.